My "stuffed" is coming a lot sooner than it used to. Tuesday's dinner consisted of some leftover sandwich, 2 servings of veggies, 3 kiwi, and 2 low-sodium cheese sticks. And I sat, about 1.5 hours later, still stuffed.
On one hand it was kind of encouraging-- because the honest truth is that's about half of the food I would have eaten in my "fat" life. But now, that's just not enough as it turns out-- it's more than enough. Maybe it was that 3rd kiwi. Regardless, I think I can afford to reduce more than I originally estimated.
Monday night, we went to my favorite chinese buffet- a strategical error perhaps. I still did tons better than I used to... but I don't think I'm ready for regular patronage at buffets. It's not so much anything emotional as it is that regardless of my need and desire to eat better-- I do truly love food. And going somewhere with relatively unlimited access to food I love... probably not the best idea. Like I said, strategical error. I did set a limit for mysefl and stuck to it, but it needed to be a smaller limit. Live. Learn... and then eat less!
I have to admit I'm pretty happy about that little development
My healthy snacking, btw... is kicking butt! Except that I need more kiwi. Turns out I'm sort of a fruit and veggie slut! I actually chose to have corn for dessert one night instead of ice cream. Seriously. Chose. And was excited about it.
At work I'm munching on fruit or low-sodium, low-fat cheese selections in between breakfast and lunch and between lunch and dinner. One thing I've noticed though, especially today when I managed without anything between breakfast and lunch, although I am still hungry most of the time, it's not the same kind of biting painful hunger that it was last week.
This week I also started another step in what will no doubt be a looong process: I started tracking not just what I ate, but the nutritional content therein. My weapon for this?
The Daily Plate!
A few friends and acquaintances had pointed out the Daily Plate to me when I mentioned I was starting this little journey but when my best of best friends sent me the link, I finally checked it out. Now, since I announced I've been using it there have been a plethora of opinions about it's effectiveness and even accuracy-- but for a novice calorie counter? This has been a huge help to me. I said for years that I would never be one of those people that counted every calorie, and probably in the past I wouldn't have, but this makes it so so simple. It has nutritional info for a wide range of well-known restaurants and food brands, and the option to enter caloric information manually as well, so if something isn't listed you can add in the info from the packaging directly.
I do realize there is much much more to losing this weight than just tracking and reducing my caloric intake. But that's a big part of it for me, and this makes that so much easier to do. I also liked that you can select your "activity" level and that one of those choices is actually "sedentary, little or no activity on a daily basis." My goal of course is to not be sedentary. I chose (accurately I think) the "office" action level. I walk around the office, park away from the door of the places I'm going (now), but other than that I don't have a lot of activity going on at the moment. As I start to lose some weight and can move more, I will absolutely be making strides (no pun intended) to inject actual exercise into my life. But that step is not happening right now.
But, back to the point of the Daily Plate... there's a great wealth of information on a lot of common food places and meals, but I've discovered it's a really good idea to double check the "meal" you've chosen and make sure the ingredients line up with what you actually ate and adjust accordingly. I found that I had actually selected a "meal" that was about 120 calories more than I'd eaten... due to toppings and various other options that I had not added to my own meal.
I don't take it as gospel, and I'm still focusing on improving WHAT I eat as well, reducing fast foods, increasing my veggies and fruit, balancing my proteins better and trying to get a handle on my serious addiction to Carbs.
So far it's still a work in process, as this is wont to be. But with each day it gets a little easier, and every tool I collect makes that even better.
Of course all of that is fantastic... but there are minuses too this week, and I'd be remiss if I didn't at least mention them.
I had some excitement last week, where I finally felt I'd found a good resource for (in particular jeans!) good fat clothes. One resource: Old Navy which since the last time I shopped online has expanded their plus size section :w00t!:
I have always had a really hard time with Jeans... once upon a time I had only one pair to use (much to my best friend's chagrin), and now I'm pretty much back to that... much to my own. The jeans I currently wear are HUGE... big enough that I have actually sewn the zipper shut to keep it from falling down from lack of tension. If I'm not careful, in a few more pounds they may actually be big enough to fall off of my body. Now, I'm not complaining about shrinking out of my jeans... but for some reason finding new ones is ridiculously difficult for me!
Lane Bryant and Fashion Bug (my 2 favorite go-tos for fat clothes) have instituted "right size" sizing in their jean lines. Basically, instead of having it be a 14/16... it's now a size 1.
Seriously?
No, seriously?
Ok look, calling it a 7 doesn't fool me. I still know it should be a 26/28. This re-labeling redesign has accomplished 2 things. #1 they've redesigned the denim lines with different "fit' zones as well, so you're supposed to go in and get measured to determine which one is the best fit for you. And #2 they've reduced the size range that they carry in the stores to begin with.
Now, if you're a fat girl, if you've ever been a fat girl, if you have issues with your weight even if you're not a fat girl-- please tell me I'm not alone in this. Do they honestly, honestly truly think I am going to haul my fat ass into a store to get it measured for JEANS? I can't even bear to get on a scale alone in my room with only the dog to watch me! But to go to a store and have some stranger actually measure me? For a pair of freaking jeans? I'm sorry. No. Jeans should be the LEAST stressful part of your wardrobe, outside of comfy pants of course.
So boom, no buying jeans at Fashion Bug or Lane Bryant. So that leaves... Avenue and Catherine's. Avenue does actually carry real sizes, and generally they "carry" my size, although it tends to sell out quickly. But in addition, I'm not a huge fan of their denim. Right now in stores it's all about 2 styles:
1. The "skinny" jean. Again-- seriously? A "skinny" jean at a fat girl store? Wrong. Just... wrong.
2. The "boyfriend" jean. Now, maybe this is where my little queer brain is a bit off the beaten path but.. I don't want a boyfriend... why the hell would I want a "boyfriend" jean. If I wanted a "boyfriend" jean, I'd go buy mine in the men's section. Nuff said!
So now I'm left with only online options and with women's sizes being nowhere near standardized, that means I could need a jean sized anywhere from 24 to 32... depending on who it comes from. I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous and insanely frustrating.
So I took the plunge, and ordered 2 pair of jeans from Old-Navy in each of 2 sizes. I also ordered a pair of black slacks, as my work pants have seen better days. THe good news, I suppose, is that the slacks are pretty damn close. I'll be keeping them for when I lose the first few pounds, I can get them on, even fastened-- but they're pretty tight at the waist still. Not for long though, so into the closet they go.
The jeans however... :sigh: Well-- it was worth a shot. I suppose now I'm facing the dilemma of do I send them back and exchange for the larger size that probably will fit? Or do I hold onto them as "goal" jeans?
I'm probably going to send them back. I need jeans now! I can buy goal jeans in a store any day of the week if I want to.
I suppose though that frustrating is more about the women's clothing industry than about my actual weight loss journey. Because the truth is for my part I really am doing some amazing things on this little road-trip to skinny.
Tonight we went to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. Instead of gorging on chips while I waited for the main course, I had about 4 chips, then sat and waited. I got beef fajitas, loaded a tortilla with meat and onion, some guacamole and a sliver of sour cream, and enjoyed it immensely. Did that with a 2nd tortilla to finish up the meat (I'm trying to rebalance out my protein vs. carb ratios), then had about 3 more chips with some of the beans and guac and another sliver of sour cream... and left everything else-- including the 3rd tortilla, and probably 80-90% of the sour cream.
And you know what? I didn't miss any of it. I didn't miss the 3rd tortilla, didn't miss the bowlful of chips, didn't miss the regret that used to come with cleaning my plate. Because I had enough to eat... but not too much. And my roommate slash fairy-godmother nearly dropped dead when I said no thank you to the sour cream from her plate that I would once have scarfed without a second thought. Was shocked again when she realized I'd left so much of my own sour cream too!
And so... week 2 of project skinnygirlscreams comes to a close. I'm looking forward to my veggie dessert later on, and seeing what progress the next week will bring to me. Or rather, what success I will bring to myself, because this change isn't something that is happening to me... it's something I'm creating for myself.
Because I am stronger than my shell and I will not ignore the skinny girl inside who is screaming to get out!
No comments:
Post a Comment