As of this morning I am down a total of 14.2 lbs since May 17th. I'm hoping maybe tomorrow I'll lose that last 1.2 to hit that magic 15. I don't know why it's magic. It's not really I suppose, but for as long as I've been the way I've been.. it seems like magic to me :)
I don't really have much to say of any depth or philosophical value... my weight loss progresses, but it was a stressful work week and I'm exhausted.
My cycle pedal machine arrived this week! Unfortunately the chair I use at my desk here is too low for me to use it! Another thing on my list of stuff-to-buy this weekend. I think one without wheels would work best. Once I've had a chance to actually USE it, I'll post a full fledged review of the thing here for those that are interested.
And now... let's revue my stats:
First there's the calorie counter for the last week. I told Kris tonight I'd been under 2,000 calories every day this week, but then reviewed and realized that wasn't true! I've been pretty close, except for last Friday (and tonight when I rewarded the end of a hard work week with ice cream), but I have been under my daily maximum calories each day.
Looking at it, I can see that I have been under 2,500 calories each day this week (although only by a hair today) which is kind of exciting. Of course classical health class training tells us that a standard diet is between 2,000 and 2,500 calories. I never thought I'd be in that range. Ever. The fact there is actually a day (2 actually) where I was under 2,000 is amazing to me! As I lose more weight of course that maximum recommended caloric intake goes down further and further, and I'm not sure it reflects super-accurately on that graph. But each morning I put in my new weight, I note the adjustment, and I plan my meals accordingly.
Here is a fairly typical day for me right now, food-wise:
And because of all of that, because of weeks of that now... My weight chart looks like this:
I keep waiting for the plateau. And I know it's early... and the plateau is probably just around the next corner. There have been two small spikes, but each time the number once again went down. I suppose the more amazing thing is that each time I saw those spikes... I didn't freak out. I didn't relapse. I didn't immediately reach for the ice cream containers, and fast food. I didn't go back to sneaking extra burgers, or extra fatty meals in between my regular meals. I've stayed true. And honest. And I didn't panic. I know spikes are going to happen-- so are plateaus. It's inevitable at some point.
The trick is not to go back to old habits when that happens. The truth is, I'm hoping that by the time I hit plateau-ville, my health insurance will have kicked in and it will be time to get my doctor involved and (at the very least) get my thyroid tested. I remain convinced that it's my thyroid causing my "fullness" issues. For about a week, maybe too it seemed as though I'd finally normalized. I'd eat, feel full, stop eating.. it was wonderful.... but then this week-- back to feeling either starved or stuffed again. It's almost as if I conquer it and then my body says... "oooooooohhhhh reaaaally? See how you like this bitch?" and goes right back to the beginning. I told Kris this week I think it's that fat girl trying to fight her way back to the forefront.
I don't think she's quite realized she's not going to win this time. I have tools, I have power, and I'm stronger than she is. Even though this has been easy so far, I go into each day expecting it to be difficult, expecting each choice to be hard. But it's not. It might be still, as I get further into it all, but at 6 weeks, it's just as easy as day 1. Possibly getting easier-- every healthy choice I make leads to another healthy choice. Each conscious decision leads to another. I've been thinking all along that it would be really easy to go back though. To go back to not caring, to eating whatever, whenever, wherever. But I realized yesterday that's not true.
Case in point, 2 of the delicious meals I had this week for dinner at home:
I have fallen in love with Green Giant's vegetable steamers. I usually steam one package in the microwave, then heat up 1 serving of Target's store brand frozen grilled chicken strips, stir them together and splash on a smidge of Nature's seasons and/or some shredded parmesan cheese. The meals are fresh, delicious and seriously low in ... well.. everything! The green bean/red potato mix is particularly delicious with chicken.
Last night when it was time to decide on dinner I had a craving for Chili's. I had the calories left to go and enjoy whatever I wanted for the day, but I suggested Panda Express instead. It involved about half the intake in almost all categories as chili's would have, and I realized once and for all that I really have made a permanent change to my life. I don't know if I'll track every morsel that goes in my life every day for the rest of my life. But I'm 99% sure that once I lose all of this weight-- I will keep it off. I've made a change that is a permanent alteration in my relationship to food. And the truth is I can still eat all the things that I want to. I could easily have gone to Chili's and probably not have overdone it as far as my food tally goes. I'd already made the decision not to smother myself with food anymore and it's working.
All of that in spite of a return to being staved and stuffed. Guess it's time for my body to realize I'm going to win. Because let's be honest... I am in control of this. Completely.
I'm still frustrated by my clothes. I attempted a hot water shrink of my blue jeans last wash. It didn't help much. One wear and they're back to falling off. And yet I'm still not down enough to fit into the smaller size I bought from Old Navy. In another week, I should be able to wear the slacks though (assuming my weight loss continues at a similar rate), and that's something. Jeans or no jeans, I have to say I feel like I'm losing weight, I feel lighter, and I think if this hadn't been such a stressful week at work, I'd probably have more energy too. Really, aside from the disappointing return to my fullness issues, everything feels different. Things are starting to feel right.
At least they're headed in the right direction!
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