Sunday, May 2, 2010

Week One Ends, and Week Two Begins

It's official. 1 week. The first week is over. I thought it would be a lot harder, to be honest. When I made the decision to really and truly revolutionize my eating life, I knew it would be hard. I knew it would frustrating, that I would be tempted at every turn to go back, I knew it was easier to let the fat girl win and just keep on doing what I've always done.

Fortunately, only one of those things proved to be true. It is frustrating. But to everyone's surprise (mine most of all!) it is the easiest change I've ever made. And although I have had moments of temptation-- it is not a constant struggle to make myself stop eating when I should be full, not a constant struggle to evict unnecessary food from my life, not a constant struggle to avoid sliding backwards.

And although that fat girl screams like hell, it turns out that I am finally stronger than she is. I went grocery shopping today with healthy intentions-- not for the first time I suppose, but this time with the willpower to follow through.

My haul:

2 32oz water bottles

Low-Sodium cheese sticks
Light Baby Bell Cheese rounds
Light Laughing cow wedges

Apples
Bananas
Kiwi

3 different kinds of individual-serving steam trays of veggies

And 2 different kinds of granola bars:
-Special K Chocolately Pretzel flavored cereal bars
-Nature Valley Chewy Yogurt (vanilla and strawberry)

I tried both different packs today and they're actually tasty! Also, at work I have a big thing of cashews that I munch on 2 or 3 at a time when I get really hungry.

I brought in my old insulated lunch pack so I can freeze it overnight and then load it with fruit and cheese to take to work for during the day.

I'm hoping that will help with some of the biting hunger that's been frustrating me so much.

The problem with never feeling full is it makes it hard to know when to stop eating. Eventually this process for me will be more measured and structured. It will probably involving counting calories and servings, fats and sugars. But to start with I needed to see if I can handle just-- being hungry. Because even if this whole revolution ends up in the hands of a doctor and a nutritionist (which it no doubt will once my health insurance kicks in), it's going to involve a certain amount of restriction... and for someone who doesn't feel "full"... that means getting used to feeling hungry.

And it's been easier than I thought. Frustrating? Yes. Absolutely-- but not for the reason you think. It's not the hunger itself that's frustrating, it's not the biting, gnawing, I want (but don't need) food feeling. It's the knowledge that I still have the feeling-- when I've had enough food. It's the battle between logic and stomach. It's knowing I've eaten enough that I should feel full but I don't. That's what's frustrating. As it turns out-- I can handle being hungry.

Maybe it's because I have such an appreciation for why it's necessary right now to be so. Maybe it's because I'm more logical than I give myself credit for. Maybe it's because somewhere deep down where I can't feel it I am full. Whatever the reason, I've picked a line at every meal and when I hit it, I stop eating. For right now it's enough change to make a difference, any change will make a difference.

So restriction was the first change... maybe restriction is the wrong word. Reduction? Better.

(as an in the moment aside, I just finished 1/2 of my water intake for the day.. time start on the 2nd 32oz)

Back to reduction. No matter what turn the actual nutrition of this whole thing ends up taking, eating LESS of whatever is going to be part of it. And after this week I at least know that I can handle that.

A small synopsis of the changes that were made in the last week:

1. Major Portion Reduction
-it's actually my goal right now to leave some food behind at each meal. Instead of eating until I'm stuffed, I eat until it seems as though I should be full-- then I stop. Sometimes that means feeling a little hungry still. I'm dealing with it. And I'm not starving myself, trust me, I am still eating plenty.

2. Liquid Intake
-I've been drinking a lot more water this week than I usually do. I finally have 32oz water bottles, so now I'm going to be a 64oz a day girl. I'm not ready to give up my diet coke so don't even try... but I'll be adding in more water to balance things out.

3. Snacking Changes
-No more chips and bread, no more random crap food. Fruit. Protein. Veg. Granola. I'll probably add in some yogurt at some point but it's not my favorite thing so maybe not. And no more snacking out of boredom, and an almost complete kibosh on the emotional snack-age. I'm an adult and I don't need to deal with my feelings by stuffing my face. Those days are over.

In time, there will be counting and meal planning, doctors, nutritionists, guidance. But right now, on my own I need to know that I can handle the consequences of all that when the time comes. So I'm taking this into my own hands and changing my life. No one else can. And by the time my insurance kicks in and I have the funds to get my doctor involved-- I'll already be 2 steps ahead, and ready for the rest of the journey.

But for right now, I think I hear some veggies calling my name.

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