On Titles and link names...

You may be wondering about the site reg for this blog: "skinnygirlscreams"

Believe it or not, that was very carefully selected and I was glad to see it was actually available. If you've read my first post (whether you read it here or on Facebook) you'll know that my big push right now is that inside all of this fat and flesh is a skinny girl-- screaming to get out.

This blog is my attempt to track that, to put a (hopefully weekly) face to this journey, and give that skinny girl a place to scream. I guess the fat girl will probably scream a bit too. I've been overweight since I was about 15. The fat girl is used to being in charge and I think the shift in authority is probably going to end up giving the fat girl a bit of a fit.

I know that sounds a little MPD (multiple personality disorder for the uninitiated), but roll with me on this...

It used to be that I felt fat all the time-- long before I was actually overweight. And when I finally did end up "fat" it seemed kind of appropriate. Because my outside matched my inside. They were the same person.

But that's not true anymore. Somewhere in the last few years I grew, changed into someone who is active and adventurous. Someone who wants to go out and do things, to be more than I am already. And that person isn't a fat girl. That person is thin, and healthy and trapped in a shell that doesn't work anymore. And in a way it is almost like being 2 people. I used be united and now I'm not. Now I'm at war.

I'm fighting my own body. My friend Libby talked to me the other day about a similar division-- where she was so separated from her body that it never even occurred to her to be comfortable in it. Well, I suppose that's as good a way as any to explain it. Well, somehow or another that division has been smashed to smithereens and for the first time in ... well.. ever I feel like I should be comfortable in my body. And I'm not, because this is not my body.

So forgive my multiplicity for awhile will you? I'm on a journey to go from 2 people (well.. at my weight 2.5 really) down to 1. And in the meantime, let the skinny girl start screaming!