Week Three Ends, Week Four Begins

Well, I've survived the 3rd week of my new Life!  It hasn't been easy-- mostly because for mother's day we're big fans of big texas steaks on the BBQ (even if it is raining!!)


   So here's the rundown... tracking my food is going well at daily plate but I can tell even at this early stage I'm going to need more help and guidance than just a food-tracker.  I'm having a hard time planning and arranging meals to meet but  not exceed my needs in various nutritional arenas.


   Now... although I've blanked out the actual # info (look, I'm honest but I'm not ready for that much sharing yet...) you can see what I mean... I'm doing (mostly) well on my caloric intake...

   Ok, there are admittedly, 2 blips over the line, the biggest being on Mother's Day (hey, I'm a Texan ... steak is like-- a sacred meal ok, maybe not but my fat girl got a little loud on that one).  

   Anyway, I'm not as concerned about the caloric intake since, as a general rule, I'm actually doing pretty well meeting and staying under the target for the amount of weight I want to lose.  Where I'm really struggling is getting the balances right on other intakes...

   As I write this, it is late thursday night, and you can see that I have already had 100% (or more) of the recommended fat, cholesterol, sodium, and protein.

  But, to my surprise, I'm only at 41% of my weekly carbs (I've been trying to watch those especially) and I need to boost my fiber a LOT.  The protein I think is primarily because of the steak on Sunday night, and the cholesterol is probably because of the hard-boiled eggs I've snacked on this week.  

   So I am re-organizing my shopping plan for this week (at least a little bit).  I want to look into a fiber supplement to add to my daily routine, and apparently I don't need to be quite as stingy with the carbs as I originally thought.  Cholesterol, Fat, and Sodium particularly will be on watch (I don't think the protein will be an issue next week as I don't have any plans for giant steak in my schedule this week).

Here is my shopping list for the week:

Kiwi,

Bananas,

Fiber Supplement,

a new chillable lunch container

A paring knife (for the kiwi mostly)

 I've been doing some research about good foods.  Things that taste good and are good for you... Imagine my delight to read the following about Kiwi fruit (my undeniably favorite snack fruit!)

"Kiwifruit

This tiny, nutrient-dense fruit packs an amazing amount of vitamin C (double the amount found in oranges), has more fiber than apples, and beats bananas as a high-potassium food. The unique blend of phytonutrients, vitamins, and minerals found in kiwifruit helps protect against heart disease, stroke, cancer, and respiratory disease. Kiwifruit's natural blood-thinning properties work without the side effects of aspirin and support vascular health by reducing the formation of spontaneous blood clots, lowering LDL cholesterol, and reducing blood pressure. Multiple studies have shown that kiwifruit not only reduce oxidative stress and damage to DNA but also prompt damaged cells to repair themselves.

Kiwifruit are often prescribed as part of a dietary regimen to battle cancer and heart disease, and in Chinese medicine they are used to accelerate the healing of wounds and sores.

How much: Aim to eat one to two kiwifruit a day while they're in season, for the best taste and nutrition. California-grown kiwifruit are in season from October through May, and New Zealand kiwifruit are available between April and November.

Tips: Kiwifruit contain enzymes that activate once you cut the fruit, causing the flesh to tenderize. So if you're making a fruit salad, cut the kiwifruit last.

The riper the kiwifruit, the greater the antioxidant power, so let them ripen before you dig in."

  Now, that last part makes me a bit sad, as I like my kiwi just a smidge unripe (I love the tartness!), but I'll learn to eat them a little bit softer I suppose.  Broccoli apparently is a bit amazing as well, which is fine as I enjoy it in just about everything really.  

--Friday--

Of course there's more to this little revolution that just what went in my body.  So here's some of the philosophical things I've come up against this week.

   I was talking to Libby again this week, and we were once again discussing the disconnect between mind and body, about feeling fat vs. being fat etc.  Another friend of hers who was heavier like I am said she had never felt fat, had not really felt the size she knew logically that she was.  She found herself misjudging the space that her body required.  She would run into things, bump into people-- because her mind perceived her body to be smaller than it actually was.

  It may sound weird for someone who is used to being in their body, who has felt in tune with it for years-- if not their whole life... but it made complete sense to me.  If for no other reason than I've recently become so aware of it myself.  I've said time and time again that (until recently) I have always felt fat.  And for years now my body has matched that.  I've been acutely aware of how much space my body takes up.  I have always tried to leave extra space between myself and others, have resisted spaces I felt were too small for me even if they may have actually been big enough.

   But right around the time I had my great revelation about myself, I started to run into things.  A lot.  Now, I'm definitely a klutz... anyone that knows me could tell you that.  I trip on my own feet, on carpet, on tile, on pretty much nothing at all.  And I do tend to run into things on my left side as I'm blind in that eye.

  But right now both arms sport some unusual bruises, and I've a few more bumps on my thighs and hips, and even my stomach is sporting some new scrapes and bumps.  And it wasn't until Libby and I were talking about her friend not recognizing the space her body occupied that I realized-- the way I perceive myself has changed.  Completely.  I no longer have a connection to how large I am.  I am frustrated repeatedly by the space my stomach alone occupies, and if I run into the cubicle wall around John's desk on my way back from the copier one more time I might scream!

   These are not problems the "fat" me had.  If I ran into something, it's because it was on the left and I didn't see it... or because I was forced to be in a space that really was too close and small for my body.  ...  Or because I was having a klutzy moment.

  But in general... "fat" me was pretty good about getting around, in and out, being in her own space and knowing the boundaries of that.  The me that is fat but doesn't feel fat-- not so much.  I'll admit, that's where the pace of this whole revolution gets a little frustrating.  I know that what I'm doing will take time-- quite a bit probably.  My expectations for my actual weight loss I think are pretty reasonable.  I also know that if I lose this weight slowly and steadily instead of all at once with many plateaus, I'm more likely to keep it off because I'll have to change my lifestyle and habits to make it happen.  But because it will take time it means most likely, I'm going to have to get used to running into things.  

   On the plus side... I've got concrete proof that this whole change has really taken hold.  A brief stop for dinner supplies last night brought home an ice cream treat.  I decided it had been a long week and I wanted some ice cream.  I also bought an apple tray.  2 kinds of apple slices and a container of low-fat caramel sauce.  When dinner was done and I wanted a treat... I chose the apples.  Not out of a desire to have a healthier dessert... but because they sounded tastier than the ice cream.  

   Once again, a week of pluses and minuses.  But that's to be expected.  This isn't an overnight success story, nor something I've started that I'll give up at the first hint of difficulty.  This is just the beginning of a long haul that will end with me once again feeling like me... and looking like me too!

Week One Ends, and Week Two Begins

It's official. 1 week. The first week is over. I thought it would be a lot harder, to be honest. When I made the decision to really and truly revolutionize my eating life, I knew it would be hard. I knew it would frustrating, that I would be tempted at every turn to go back, I knew it was easier to let the fat girl win and just keep on doing what I've always done.

Fortunately, only one of those things proved to be true. It is frustrating. But to everyone's surprise (mine most of all!) it is the easiest change I've ever made. And although I have had moments of temptation-- it is not a constant struggle to make myself stop eating when I should be full, not a constant struggle to evict unnecessary food from my life, not a constant struggle to avoid sliding backwards.

And although that fat girl screams like hell, it turns out that I am finally stronger than she is. I went grocery shopping today with healthy intentions-- not for the first time I suppose, but this time with the willpower to follow through.

My haul:

2 32oz water bottles

Low-Sodium cheese sticks

Light Baby Bell Cheese rounds

Light Laughing cow wedges

Apples

Bananas

Kiwi

3 different kinds of individual-serving steam trays of veggies

And 2 different kinds of granola bars:

-Special K Chocolately Pretzel flavored cereal bars

-Nature Valley Chewy Yogurt (vanilla and strawberry)

I tried both different packs today and they're actually tasty! Also, at work I have a big thing of cashews that I munch on 2 or 3 at a time when I get really hungry.

I brought in my old insulated lunch pack so I can freeze it overnight and then load it with fruit and cheese to take to work for during the day.

I'm hoping that will help with some of the biting hunger that's been frustrating me so much.

The problem with never feeling full is it makes it hard to know when to stop eating. Eventually this process for me will be more measured and structured. It will probably involving counting calories and servings, fats and sugars. But to start with I needed to see if I can handle just-- being hungry. Because even if this whole revolution ends up in the hands of a doctor and a nutritionist (which it no doubt will once my health insurance kicks in), it's going to involve a certain amount of restriction... and for someone who doesn't feel "full"... that means getting used to feeling hungry.

And it's been easier than I thought. Frustrating? Yes. Absolutely-- but not for the reason you think. It's not the hunger itself that's frustrating, it's not the biting, gnawing, I want (but don't need) food feeling. It's the knowledge that I still have the feeling-- when I've had enough food. It's the battle between logic and stomach. It's knowing I've eaten enough that I should feel full but I don't. That's what's frustrating. As it turns out-- I can handle being hungry.

Maybe it's because I have such an appreciation for why it's necessary right now to be so. Maybe it's because I'm more logical than I give myself credit for. Maybe it's because somewhere deep down where I can't feel it I am full. Whatever the reason, I've picked a line at every meal and when I hit it, I stop eating. For right now it's enough change to make a difference, any change will make a difference.

So restriction was the first change... maybe restriction is the wrong word. Reduction? Better.

(as an in the moment aside, I just finished 1/2 of my water intake for the day.. time start on the 2nd 32oz)

Back to reduction. No matter what turn the actual nutrition of this whole thing ends up taking, eating LESS of whatever is going to be part of it. And after this week I at least know that I can handle that.

A small synopsis of the changes that were made in the last week:

1. Major Portion Reduction

-it's actually my goal right now to leave some food behind at each meal. Instead of eating until I'm stuffed, I eat until it seems as though I should be full-- then I stop. Sometimes that means feeling a little hungry still. I'm dealing with it. And I'm not starving myself, trust me, I am still eating plenty.

2. Liquid Intake

-I've been drinking a lot more water this week than I usually do. I finally have 32oz water bottles, so now I'm going to be a 64oz a day girl. I'm not ready to give up my diet coke so don't even try... but I'll be adding in more water to balance things out.

3. Snacking Changes

-No more chips and bread, no more random crap food. Fruit. Protein. Veg. Granola. I'll probably add in some yogurt at some point but it's not my favorite thing so maybe not. And no more snacking out of boredom, and an almost complete kibosh on the emotional snack-age. I'm an adult and I don't need to deal with my feelings by stuffing my face. Those days are over.

In time, there will be counting and meal planning, doctors, nutritionists, guidance. But right now, on my own I need to know that I can handle the consequences of all that when the time comes. So I'm taking this into my own hands and changing my life. No one else can. And by the time my insurance kicks in and I have the funds to get my doctor involved-- I'll already be 2 steps ahead, and ready for the rest of the journey.

But for right now, I think I hear some veggies calling my name.