I don't know that I have anything particularly interesting to say about this week. Lots of backlash from last week (meaning I'm not really down that much further weight wise), but a few pluses as far as my body goes.
For the first time since I started this process, I've finally seen a measured change in my actual BODY. A few things stand out to me actually from this week. One sign is in my car. I drive a hyundai elantra.. not an especially large vehicle, but it suits me. Now the one drawback is that in that space, my short legs and my fat stomach tend to compete for distance to the steering wheel and pedals. Usually if I'm not careful, I tend to end up with a dark black mark from my steering wheel on my stomach because the fit is close enough to have it rub on me, but not so close that it's uncomfortable. Technically I blame it on my legs being too short, but really the issue is that I've been FAT. Well, I realized this week... my stomach and my steering wheel have parted ways!
That's right people, no more weird black smudges on my clothes, I fit just a little bit better in my car!
So to top off that win... I start therapy on Friday the 30th. :eep: It's been many years since I've been in therapy and even though I'm a big advocate of talk therapy, for some reason I'm a little nervous about going back myself. I keep reminding myself that the last time I was in therapy I was broken... and this time I just need some help with emotional maintenance-- primarily figuring out how to deal with my stress without shoving food in my mouth. I think my friends are more enthused about my return to therapy than I am.. which is probably a sign that I've been more stressed out than I realized and have no doubt been taking it out on them.
In other news-- well, there really isn't much other news. Had a party this week which means I spent a good chunk of my day swimming and playing water volleyball. Always a good thing because those are the days that help me recover from a less-than-successful food week. I started to say my food failures this week weren't entirely my fault-- but I think we all know that's not true. I am the one who decides what to eat. And at every restaurant... a salad is always an option... and dessert is never a necessity (well, almost never). Our bosses took my whole department out to dinner this week, and although I did say no to the appetizers, I coupled my lump crab pomadoro with 3 glasses of exquisite red wine, and 2 large shots of tequila... then finished it all off with a slice of cheesecake. It's easy to eat if the company card is paying the bill. Then on Friday, two friends and I went to see SALT... and instead of getting a chicken sandwich... or a turkey burger... or a salad-- I went all out. Steak sandwich, fries (although I didn't finish those) a slice of cheese bread, and a couple of hot wings. And a strawberry shake too. :sigh:
I think the thing that worries me is that this is the 2nd week in a row I've felt like my eating was back to being out of control. It's still not what it was. I'll never let it be what it was... ever. But for the second week in a row I found excuses to deviate from my routines. The very routines that have allowed me to lose 26 pounds. It hasn't been a daily failure, the truth is the majority of the last two weeks I stayed right on track-- and as my friends are wont to tell me, it's actually a good idea to give yourself a day off now and then. I just want to ensure that my days off aren't going to begin to outnumber my days on.
This week I want to focus on getting back on track. Back to Subway lunches, and chicken and veg dinners. Maybe it's time to pursue some Lean cuisine or healthy choice frozen dinners... so that I have some choice besides just my chicken and veggies (which do get old eventually). I want to refocus on my portions, on limiting how much I eat at each meal. And I think it's time to start trying to find time to get to the doctor. The hunger thing is STILL an issue-- and it's been 3 months. I have to think that if my body was going to adjust hunger levels to my new intake levels, it would have done so by now. The fact that I'm still going from starved to stuffed (if I eat that much which I still don't) is incredibly frustrating. So I think my next paycheck is going to include a trip to the doctor. It's time to get my body working WITH me instead of AGAINST me.
And to close out... here's a piece of my new list. The list of things I'm going to do and be when I'm fit and healthy:
1. Take the dog for walks
2. Be IN pictures instead of just taking them.
3. Stop hiding the back of the room.
4. Pull out my camera and not care who sees me.
5. Go to the front of the room for shows, get shots from the GOOD seats. I won't be afraid to introduce myself to the dancers, to get better shots, closer shots, better angles.
6. Eat at a restaurant without wondering what people think about the fat girl squished into the too-small booth.
7. Buy clothes that are professional and that don't just "fit" but actually look good on.
8. Go to more events, protests, parties, gatherings, movies, outings.
9. Date
10. Actively pursue my photography as a means of sustenance financially.
Those are just some of the things I want to do, things that I either can't do now, or am too self-conscious to do now. And I know that a lot of those things aren't JUST my weight... but some long-embedded self-esteem issues too. But then again... I guess that's going to be helped in no small part by the therapy I'm starting eh?
See you next week.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Week Twelve Ends, Week Thirteen Begins
If you asked me what stress looked like I'd show you a couple different things...
See July 10th? That's stress. That is almost a 4,000 calorie day. And yeah, I'm completely ashamed. However, in the interest of being honest, as I have promised to be not just to myself but here in the public-ish forum. So... July 10th was stress. It was almost a month of sheer stress that backed up on me. Now, the good news is that I did pretty well the rest of the week, and actually on Sunday I was way under my maximum so it does make up for it a little bit. But I'm still disappointed that I went so far overboard.
The first would be my face... and the bags under my eyes. Of course that would require a photo which I think we all know isn't going to show up here until I lose another 25 pounds.
The second would be this:
See July 10th? That's stress. That is almost a 4,000 calorie day. And yeah, I'm completely ashamed. However, in the interest of being honest, as I have promised to be not just to myself but here in the public-ish forum. So... July 10th was stress. It was almost a month of sheer stress that backed up on me. Now, the good news is that I did pretty well the rest of the week, and actually on Sunday I was way under my maximum so it does make up for it a little bit. But I'm still disappointed that I went so far overboard.
I know that the trick is to focus on my successes, not my failures... but this has been a harder than average week fro me for some reason. I suppose part of it is that I'm just so tired, and so stressed that my resolve has been -- well... weakening.
I recovered, as evidenced by the rest of the week's intakes. It doesn't help that all that face-stuffing concides (or caused more likely) my first real gain-back of weight. Ok, so it's about a net gain of 2 pounds, but still... frustrating to put it mildly.
I'm not giving up though. Re-focusing: yes. Re-prioritizing: yes. Re-evaluating: yes. Giving up: No.
Hello rough spot-- I knew we'd meet eventually. And I'm sure we'll meet again.
So now what? Back to healthy living. Back to subway lunches, chicken and veggie dinners... and splurges as an occasional treat (but no more 3900 calorie ones at ANY point).
And yes, therapy. Another voicemail has been left. I'll connect with her eventually-- in the meantime, I think it's getting on time to see that doctor. Thyroid check, hormone check, blood sugar, cholesterol... blah blah blah. Those of you that know me well can probably tell my level of dedication to this whole venture by the sheer fact that I'm even WILLING to go to a doctor. No offense to those practicing the profession, but I can't stand doctors. They make me nervous, uncomfortable, and generally unhappy. Although my local CareNow office does employ one that I find less deplorable than any other I've been too-- I actually kind of like him.
I think my beef with doctors is actually more about the way they treat me (not in the sense of treating my ills, but the way they treat me as a person) than it is about not liking tests, or needles, or any of that jazz. I think the other fat girls will probably back me up on this.. and bear with me-- because it's rant time:
I've been to... um... a few doctors in my time. Although I've seen fewer in the last few years than I did when I was younger and better insured, I've bounced between CareNow and other urgent-care type facilities over the last 10 years or so, and what I've found is that you get very little respect as a fat person. In fact, I've dealt with some physicians who were actually rude. I've had a doctor try to refuse to prescribe medication because I wouldn't allow her nurse to weigh me. I know that my weight does have an affect on how much medication is needed, but I had not gained a significant amount since my previous weigh in and I felt that it was not medically necessary to do so in that visit. When I tried to explain that (at the time) being weighed had some kind of severe consequences involving anxiety and panic attacks, she finally acquiesced, but not before a lecture regarding my weight and its impact on my health. She soapboxed for quite awhile while running a flu test that I had not actually asked for.
I went in for flu-like symptoms, and my godmother/ roommate had been diagnosed with the flu a day or two earlier. When the test (a $55 test by the way) came back negative for flu, she prescribed the SAME drugs she would have if it had come back positive. Of course, because I was out the $55 for the flu test I didn't ask for that didn't affect her course of treatment-- I couldn't afford the drugs the prescribed to treat my flu-exposure. Unfortunately, she was so busy trying to "treat" my weight problem that she didn't bother to listen when I explained that my funds were very limited and I was uninsured (and at the time, minimally employed).
That's not a foreign scenario, and I'm willing to bet a lot of other overweight men and women can relate to that. There are a lot of doctors, nurses, professionals... people in general-- who assume that because a person is overweight, they are stupid, incompetent, or generally ignorant about the impact that excess weight has on their health. It's probably similar to the flack that smoker's get about smoking being bad for their health. Want to make a quick enemy? Tell a smoker how bad it is for their health. Trust me, they've heard it-- and from people who care much more than you do.
I have never denied my part in my weight gain. It's not something that happened to me overnight, and it's not something that is stritcly a result of bad genes, bad environment, bad example. No one forced me to shove food in my mouth. Might there be a biological, hormonal, or chemical factor in my weight gain-- yes I believe there probably is. But much like a smoker who is addicted and doesn't choose to quit-- I am not ignorant to the affect the excess weight has on my health. Just because I allowed myself to get to this point, does NOT mean I don't understand the consequences. Treating me like an imbecile because I am overweight does not inspire the necessary confidence for me to trust you to help me with that problem.
And then I found Dr. F. My local CareNow has a few different practitioners... but Dr. F is by far my favorite. To whit, I've seen him probably the last 3-5 times I've been ill, and since I'm not typically a repeat customer ... that's really saying something. One of the things I particularly like is that he does NOT talk about my weight. He knows to take my blood pressure at the beginning and END of our appointments, particularly after I explained my doctor-anxiety, and most of the time I'm pretty close to normal by the end of the appointment, even if I was high on the blood pressure scale at the beginning. He allows me to come in without being weighed (in fact, the last time the nurse didn't even ask me about it, so I have to assume he actually put a note in my chart). I am comfortable enough with him that a couple of appointments ago I actually broached the subject of my weight. I asked about surgery, about some options... but at the time I really wasn't ready to make the changes I needed to make, and I was honest with him about that. To my relief he listened intently, offered some opinions, but didn't push, and didn't judge either. He was very understanding, and treated me with respect. It was refreshing and encouraging... and it's one of the reasons I keep going back.
Now, I'm not sure if ti works to have your primary physician be the guy at CareNow... but I'm going to ask-- because in my book Dr. F is worth about 100 GPs in private practice. I trust him, respect him, and I feel that in addition to having my best interests at heart, he understands the value of the pace at which I approach things. I also think he may drop dead when I go in next, agree to be weighed, and start talking testing for all the myriad of weight-related issues I've so vociferously declined before. We'll see.
And to balance out my nearly 4,000 calorie day, I ended my week with a vicious migraine that I fought for 4 days before succumbing. Because I spent most of the day in bed nauseated from my light sensitivity(and not at work as I would have preferred), I ate nothing... until about 6pm... at which point my godmother came home with a bunch of grapes. So, I decided to look at it as an opportunity to detox. Since all I'd had during the day was some vitamin water zero and excedrin, I cleaned things out with a generous helping of grapes, and besides still having a slightly sore head, I felt fairly well refreshed by the end of the night. It seemed like a good way to finish the week, and clear my palate (so to speak) for the next one.
So now the real trick is keeping up the excedrin until my semi-yearly migraine gives up and goes away. And then to start the new week fresh, with renewed resolve and determination. This week had a set-back. So what? The important thing is not to let it stop me. Setbacks are part of the process....
Unfortunately so are migraines... and mine needs another dose of excedrin. See you next week.
Saturday Morning good news, last minute update... I managed to shed off those extra pounds.. sitting pretty back at a 25lb loss and ready to take on the new week!
I recovered, as evidenced by the rest of the week's intakes. It doesn't help that all that face-stuffing concides (or caused more likely) my first real gain-back of weight. Ok, so it's about a net gain of 2 pounds, but still... frustrating to put it mildly.
I'm not giving up though. Re-focusing: yes. Re-prioritizing: yes. Re-evaluating: yes. Giving up: No.
Hello rough spot-- I knew we'd meet eventually. And I'm sure we'll meet again.
So now what? Back to healthy living. Back to subway lunches, chicken and veggie dinners... and splurges as an occasional treat (but no more 3900 calorie ones at ANY point).
And yes, therapy. Another voicemail has been left. I'll connect with her eventually-- in the meantime, I think it's getting on time to see that doctor. Thyroid check, hormone check, blood sugar, cholesterol... blah blah blah. Those of you that know me well can probably tell my level of dedication to this whole venture by the sheer fact that I'm even WILLING to go to a doctor. No offense to those practicing the profession, but I can't stand doctors. They make me nervous, uncomfortable, and generally unhappy. Although my local CareNow office does employ one that I find less deplorable than any other I've been too-- I actually kind of like him.
I think my beef with doctors is actually more about the way they treat me (not in the sense of treating my ills, but the way they treat me as a person) than it is about not liking tests, or needles, or any of that jazz. I think the other fat girls will probably back me up on this.. and bear with me-- because it's rant time:
I've been to... um... a few doctors in my time. Although I've seen fewer in the last few years than I did when I was younger and better insured, I've bounced between CareNow and other urgent-care type facilities over the last 10 years or so, and what I've found is that you get very little respect as a fat person. In fact, I've dealt with some physicians who were actually rude. I've had a doctor try to refuse to prescribe medication because I wouldn't allow her nurse to weigh me. I know that my weight does have an affect on how much medication is needed, but I had not gained a significant amount since my previous weigh in and I felt that it was not medically necessary to do so in that visit. When I tried to explain that (at the time) being weighed had some kind of severe consequences involving anxiety and panic attacks, she finally acquiesced, but not before a lecture regarding my weight and its impact on my health. She soapboxed for quite awhile while running a flu test that I had not actually asked for.
I went in for flu-like symptoms, and my godmother/ roommate had been diagnosed with the flu a day or two earlier. When the test (a $55 test by the way) came back negative for flu, she prescribed the SAME drugs she would have if it had come back positive. Of course, because I was out the $55 for the flu test I didn't ask for that didn't affect her course of treatment-- I couldn't afford the drugs the prescribed to treat my flu-exposure. Unfortunately, she was so busy trying to "treat" my weight problem that she didn't bother to listen when I explained that my funds were very limited and I was uninsured (and at the time, minimally employed).
That's not a foreign scenario, and I'm willing to bet a lot of other overweight men and women can relate to that. There are a lot of doctors, nurses, professionals... people in general-- who assume that because a person is overweight, they are stupid, incompetent, or generally ignorant about the impact that excess weight has on their health. It's probably similar to the flack that smoker's get about smoking being bad for their health. Want to make a quick enemy? Tell a smoker how bad it is for their health. Trust me, they've heard it-- and from people who care much more than you do.
I have never denied my part in my weight gain. It's not something that happened to me overnight, and it's not something that is stritcly a result of bad genes, bad environment, bad example. No one forced me to shove food in my mouth. Might there be a biological, hormonal, or chemical factor in my weight gain-- yes I believe there probably is. But much like a smoker who is addicted and doesn't choose to quit-- I am not ignorant to the affect the excess weight has on my health. Just because I allowed myself to get to this point, does NOT mean I don't understand the consequences. Treating me like an imbecile because I am overweight does not inspire the necessary confidence for me to trust you to help me with that problem.
And then I found Dr. F. My local CareNow has a few different practitioners... but Dr. F is by far my favorite. To whit, I've seen him probably the last 3-5 times I've been ill, and since I'm not typically a repeat customer ... that's really saying something. One of the things I particularly like is that he does NOT talk about my weight. He knows to take my blood pressure at the beginning and END of our appointments, particularly after I explained my doctor-anxiety, and most of the time I'm pretty close to normal by the end of the appointment, even if I was high on the blood pressure scale at the beginning. He allows me to come in without being weighed (in fact, the last time the nurse didn't even ask me about it, so I have to assume he actually put a note in my chart). I am comfortable enough with him that a couple of appointments ago I actually broached the subject of my weight. I asked about surgery, about some options... but at the time I really wasn't ready to make the changes I needed to make, and I was honest with him about that. To my relief he listened intently, offered some opinions, but didn't push, and didn't judge either. He was very understanding, and treated me with respect. It was refreshing and encouraging... and it's one of the reasons I keep going back.
Now, I'm not sure if ti works to have your primary physician be the guy at CareNow... but I'm going to ask-- because in my book Dr. F is worth about 100 GPs in private practice. I trust him, respect him, and I feel that in addition to having my best interests at heart, he understands the value of the pace at which I approach things. I also think he may drop dead when I go in next, agree to be weighed, and start talking testing for all the myriad of weight-related issues I've so vociferously declined before. We'll see.
And to balance out my nearly 4,000 calorie day, I ended my week with a vicious migraine that I fought for 4 days before succumbing. Because I spent most of the day in bed nauseated from my light sensitivity(and not at work as I would have preferred), I ate nothing... until about 6pm... at which point my godmother came home with a bunch of grapes. So, I decided to look at it as an opportunity to detox. Since all I'd had during the day was some vitamin water zero and excedrin, I cleaned things out with a generous helping of grapes, and besides still having a slightly sore head, I felt fairly well refreshed by the end of the night. It seemed like a good way to finish the week, and clear my palate (so to speak) for the next one.
So now the real trick is keeping up the excedrin until my semi-yearly migraine gives up and goes away. And then to start the new week fresh, with renewed resolve and determination. This week had a set-back. So what? The important thing is not to let it stop me. Setbacks are part of the process....
Unfortunately so are migraines... and mine needs another dose of excedrin. See you next week.
__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__
Saturday Morning good news, last minute update... I managed to shed off those extra pounds.. sitting pretty back at a 25lb loss and ready to take on the new week!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Week Eleven Ends, Week Twelve Begins
Well, it's official. I have lost 25 lbs. I don't have a lot to report this week. It was a fairly ordinary week, although I have noticed some serious cravings for the first time since I started this journey. That's not to say that I haven't -wanted- certain foods, but this week... craving definitely joined the fray for the first time. And in truth, I have indulged in some of those cravings-- but have managed to balance them (mostly) within my budgeted ranges. I was over my calories 2 days this week (once was an accident) but both times I was over by fewer than 200 calories, and on Sunday I spent a good chunk of my day swimming which knocked my net caloric intake waaaay down. Thank heavens for exercise.
I worked less.
But I worried more.
It seems my stress may be inversely linked to the number of hours I actually spend working. The fewer hours I spend working, the more time and energy I spend stressing out about work. It's not a great ratio... but I'm working on it. I put a call in to a therapist this week. She called back while I was working. I haven't tried again yet. I will, Monday.
I know I need to, particularly with this new craving situation rearing up. I don't want to blow the progress I've made because of some stress. I've done pretty well... great actually and the thought of throwing it all away because I'm having stress cravings actually makes me feel kind of ill.
So what did I achieve this week?
I made three graduation cards and gifts in 5 hours. I went to a party outside my standard party grouping... and had a great time. And ... I even let my picture be taken. I wasn't thrilled about it, but for a friend I haven't seen in ages... I let it roll. I even peeked at it afterwards and didn't completely hate it. I still look fat... but not as fat as I looked 25 pounds ago.
Now, friends and family-- don't start thinking I'm ready to be in pictures... this was a one-time exception! I've already told quite a few of you... no pictures until I hit the 50lb mark... and I mean to stick to that. But look-- I'm halfway there so how amazing is that?
It is kind of cool if you think about it. My initial "goal" was to lose 200 lbs. I am 1/8th of the way there. At 11 weeks and 25 pounds lost, I am still averaging a loss of just over 2lbs a week, which is about the max healthy loss encouraged in the literature and articles that I've read (don't ask me to reference them, I'm too lazy.) If I can keep that up, I will lose the 200 lbs in 20 months... just shy of 2 years. That means that by my 30th I will have lost approx. 135 lbs, putting me at (for the first time since... High school I think) fewer than 250 lbs. Amazing.
Now, I'm a realist, and I realize that 2 things are going to happen inevitably:
1. When I'm finally able to add exercise those numbers could speed up for a little while.
2. At some point, it will also slow down as my body adjusts and tableaus here and there.
My hope is that on average I can maintain a 2lb a week loss. Right now I'm actually averaging about 2lbs and a quarter. Which is very cool. I just have to stay on track and keep it up. The other thing to keep in mind is that once I AM able to start really exercising (and regularly) I'll start losing fat and building muscle (which weighs more). That's a mental adjustment I'm going to have to make when the time comes as well. Realizing that just because the numbers may not be going down as steadily, doesn't mean I'm not making progress. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
As far as my goals go, 200 lbs was sort of an easy blanket goal. Losing 200 lbs from where I started would put me at 167lbs. The thing to keep in mind is that as heavy and as big as I have been, I will probably have to start dealing with excess skin issues before I even lose the whole 200. Hopefully being able to exercise more will help tighten not just some of my musculature, but also help me firm up certain areas as well, although I realize there's not much exercise can do for flabby skin. But... losing weight slowly and steadily can help as well, and doing it before age starts to take a serious toll on my skin's elasticity will too.
I did some digging and found some great tips to help keep my skin bouncing back as I go through the process...
From allwomenstalk.com some super sensible tips to help your skin from becoming an issue during weight loss:
I worked less.
But I worried more.
It seems my stress may be inversely linked to the number of hours I actually spend working. The fewer hours I spend working, the more time and energy I spend stressing out about work. It's not a great ratio... but I'm working on it. I put a call in to a therapist this week. She called back while I was working. I haven't tried again yet. I will, Monday.
I know I need to, particularly with this new craving situation rearing up. I don't want to blow the progress I've made because of some stress. I've done pretty well... great actually and the thought of throwing it all away because I'm having stress cravings actually makes me feel kind of ill.
So what did I achieve this week?
I made three graduation cards and gifts in 5 hours. I went to a party outside my standard party grouping... and had a great time. And ... I even let my picture be taken. I wasn't thrilled about it, but for a friend I haven't seen in ages... I let it roll. I even peeked at it afterwards and didn't completely hate it. I still look fat... but not as fat as I looked 25 pounds ago.
Now, friends and family-- don't start thinking I'm ready to be in pictures... this was a one-time exception! I've already told quite a few of you... no pictures until I hit the 50lb mark... and I mean to stick to that. But look-- I'm halfway there so how amazing is that?
It is kind of cool if you think about it. My initial "goal" was to lose 200 lbs. I am 1/8th of the way there. At 11 weeks and 25 pounds lost, I am still averaging a loss of just over 2lbs a week, which is about the max healthy loss encouraged in the literature and articles that I've read (don't ask me to reference them, I'm too lazy.) If I can keep that up, I will lose the 200 lbs in 20 months... just shy of 2 years. That means that by my 30th I will have lost approx. 135 lbs, putting me at (for the first time since... High school I think) fewer than 250 lbs. Amazing.
Now, I'm a realist, and I realize that 2 things are going to happen inevitably:
1. When I'm finally able to add exercise those numbers could speed up for a little while.
2. At some point, it will also slow down as my body adjusts and tableaus here and there.
My hope is that on average I can maintain a 2lb a week loss. Right now I'm actually averaging about 2lbs and a quarter. Which is very cool. I just have to stay on track and keep it up. The other thing to keep in mind is that once I AM able to start really exercising (and regularly) I'll start losing fat and building muscle (which weighs more). That's a mental adjustment I'm going to have to make when the time comes as well. Realizing that just because the numbers may not be going down as steadily, doesn't mean I'm not making progress. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
As far as my goals go, 200 lbs was sort of an easy blanket goal. Losing 200 lbs from where I started would put me at 167lbs. The thing to keep in mind is that as heavy and as big as I have been, I will probably have to start dealing with excess skin issues before I even lose the whole 200. Hopefully being able to exercise more will help tighten not just some of my musculature, but also help me firm up certain areas as well, although I realize there's not much exercise can do for flabby skin. But... losing weight slowly and steadily can help as well, and doing it before age starts to take a serious toll on my skin's elasticity will too.
I did some digging and found some great tips to help keep my skin bouncing back as I go through the process...
From allwomenstalk.com some super sensible tips to help your skin from becoming an issue during weight loss:
"First of all, you should not lose weight quickly …
One of the main reasons as to why people end up with that badly sagging skin is because they shed those pounds too quickly. When you lose more than three pounds each week, it is not healthy at all. It will cause your skin to lose that elasticity faster and make it difficult for it to spring back into shape. Whenever you plan to lose weight, you should plan on losing around two pounds each week. This is not only healthier for your skin, but it is likely for it to stay off longer.
Use moisturizer each day …
Moisturizer will add up to seventy percent of moisturizer to your skin. When you are losing weight, it is great to use a moisturizer as it will help to maintain that elasticity as your body is shrinking. Cover your body in heavy moisturizer each night before you go to bed.
Use Loofah or a body scrub that really works …Scrub your skin 3 times a week
When you scrub away that surface, you will be causing that skin underneath to generate faster.
When you scrub away that surface, you will be causing that skin underneath to generate faster.
Drink a lot of water …
There is a lot of studies showing that you should drink at least eight glasses of water every day. Why? In order to keep that moisture in your skin. Apart from this, the water is also going to flush those toxins out of your system. It will give your skin that healthy feel and look.
Exercise as much as possible …
When we talk about exercise, we are talking about sit ups, push-ups, running and anything else you can think of. When you are exercising, you will be building those muscles up. This will plump up your skin from the inside and give it that tighter appearance. When you exercise, you will be making sure you will not gain all the weight back that you just tried so hard to lose.
Massage your skin …
You may not believe this, but massaging the skin helps to build that elasticity back up. You should use mustard oil in order to get the best results. That daily massage will also help your muscles develop. In mustard oil, you will find that there are many medicinal properties in it that will help you to have healthy and glowing skin."
You can read the full article :HERE: and it contains a lot of common sense information I've seen in many related articles and sites. The point is, I may be able to maintain a lot of that issue on my own. Now that I've forged ahead with all this in a non-surgical fashion, I'd really like to be able to accomplish all of it that way. Keeping the elasticity of my skin throughout the process will help with that.
So that's this weeks notes. Nothing terrifically exciting (ok, 25 lbs is kind of terrifically exciting!), and now it's on to week 12, at the end of which is the 3 month mark. I had hoped to be at a full 30 lbs lost by then, but that's ok. A 2lb average loss per week is healthy and encouraging... and I'm good with that.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Week Ten Ends, Week Eleven Begins
Well, I've learned a few things this week... actually, as of this morning even.
I've been stressed. I already mentioned that of course. But this morning I realized, while talking with my boss about the fact that I have completely unrealistically high expectations for myself, that a big part of my stress is probably because of my weight loss.
No, follow me here.
You are looking at a girl who spent 15 years (more really) finding comfort in food. Food was my coping mechanism. When I was upset, sad, angry, stressed (especially stressed)... I ate. Ice cream, sugar, fatty foods, comfort foods. Mac N Cheese, fried chicken, steak, loaded mashed potatoes, the fattier, the more sugar, the more salt, the more calories... the better.
And I wallowed in that. I buried my emotions in food.
But with the changes I've made, I don't do that anymore. At all. Seriously. I'm not denying that the occasional pint of ice cream finds its way into my belly... BUT I budget calories for it.. it's not just a fly-by-night whim that I indulge because I'm having a bad day.
And the truth is, any emotional eater will tell you there is something distinctly comforting about scarfing sugar-laden, fatty foods (secretly of course) on TOP of whatever you already ate during the day. Now, granted as a recovering emotional eater, I can also say it's a bit disturbing too, but the point is there is comfort in those foods. So here I am, 2 and a half months in and am rolling through my days without my #1 source of comfort.
Add to that the hormonal issues of the fact that my body and chemistry which is used to filtering chemicals and hormones through 367 pounds, is now filtering all of it through only 344 pounds (oh yeah, I'm at 23 pounds lost now... woot!). That's going to lead to some re-organization... internally. In other words... I'm a MESS. I'm emotional and moody. I'm exhausted. And on top of that I'm at a (relatively) new job, learning a whole new skill set... and encountering the busiest season that company has seen in some time. It's a lot to process without my fatty food security blanket.
So where does that leave me?
Well, I haven't figured that out yet. The thing is throughout this process there are going to be a lot of adjustments. Not just in my diet, in my wardrobe, in my own perceptions-- but even in the way I approach my world from an emotional standpoint. For the last year (maybe even 2), I have been in a really excellent place emotionally. Feeling confident, and strong, and really finally feeling like my life is on a path that I've chosen, rather than one I've been forced onto. But for that last year (or two) I've also still allowed myself to use food as a comfort. And maybe part of the reason I finally realized I'm ready to put that behind me is because I finally feel strong enough to be truly healthy in ways that I don't think I have ever been-- at least not for as long as I can remember.
I think the thing I need to hold onto as I navigate through all of this is that I am strong enough for these challenges. And yes, that means I will have to find some other way to handle my stress that doesn't involve food. I have no idea what that is going to be. I don't even know where to begin. Before food (or while I was using food for many years) I was also a self-injurer. That was my other coping mechanism. I've been self-injury free for almost 4 years now... and probably the reason I got to the size I am is that I filled the coping void that not self-injuring left... with food. So now I have to re-evaluate again. I have to come up with some healthy ways to deal with my stress, with my emotions, with my insecurities. Part of the problem with that though, is that my life has been anything but normal. I have no clue what normal people do to cope with stuff. Drink? Although I do have a lovely bottle of Patron Silver in the fridge, I'd like not to make that a habit. Besides, despite enjoying tequila more than your average person-- I'd rather make it a treat than a routine, and it's a bit impractical in the middle of the day during a crisis regardless.
Basically now, it's time to evaluate and gather some knowledge and resources. I need to figure out how to deal. Because this is not going to be a short process. From start to finish I have at least 200 pounds to lose. That doesn't happen overnight-- especially since I'm hoping to do this without surgery. There is a lot of learning to do in this process, and while a lot of it I can do on my own or with the help of a physician, the emotional stuff is going to require a different approach.
Therapy? Maybe. But aside from a brief foray into group therapy in my late teens, I've never really had much success with therapy. Of course I'm a very different person now... so maybe therapy would be a different experience now too.
For now, I'm going to focus on my successes, both personal and professional. I'm going to focus on my achievements. I'm going to focus on how far I've come in the last couple of years, in the last few months. I'm going to focus on the person I've finally started to understand and appreciate...
Me.
I've been stressed. I already mentioned that of course. But this morning I realized, while talking with my boss about the fact that I have completely unrealistically high expectations for myself, that a big part of my stress is probably because of my weight loss.
No, follow me here.
You are looking at a girl who spent 15 years (more really) finding comfort in food. Food was my coping mechanism. When I was upset, sad, angry, stressed (especially stressed)... I ate. Ice cream, sugar, fatty foods, comfort foods. Mac N Cheese, fried chicken, steak, loaded mashed potatoes, the fattier, the more sugar, the more salt, the more calories... the better.
And I wallowed in that. I buried my emotions in food.
But with the changes I've made, I don't do that anymore. At all. Seriously. I'm not denying that the occasional pint of ice cream finds its way into my belly... BUT I budget calories for it.. it's not just a fly-by-night whim that I indulge because I'm having a bad day.
And the truth is, any emotional eater will tell you there is something distinctly comforting about scarfing sugar-laden, fatty foods (secretly of course) on TOP of whatever you already ate during the day. Now, granted as a recovering emotional eater, I can also say it's a bit disturbing too, but the point is there is comfort in those foods. So here I am, 2 and a half months in and am rolling through my days without my #1 source of comfort.
Add to that the hormonal issues of the fact that my body and chemistry which is used to filtering chemicals and hormones through 367 pounds, is now filtering all of it through only 344 pounds (oh yeah, I'm at 23 pounds lost now... woot!). That's going to lead to some re-organization... internally. In other words... I'm a MESS. I'm emotional and moody. I'm exhausted. And on top of that I'm at a (relatively) new job, learning a whole new skill set... and encountering the busiest season that company has seen in some time. It's a lot to process without my fatty food security blanket.
So where does that leave me?
Well, I haven't figured that out yet. The thing is throughout this process there are going to be a lot of adjustments. Not just in my diet, in my wardrobe, in my own perceptions-- but even in the way I approach my world from an emotional standpoint. For the last year (maybe even 2), I have been in a really excellent place emotionally. Feeling confident, and strong, and really finally feeling like my life is on a path that I've chosen, rather than one I've been forced onto. But for that last year (or two) I've also still allowed myself to use food as a comfort. And maybe part of the reason I finally realized I'm ready to put that behind me is because I finally feel strong enough to be truly healthy in ways that I don't think I have ever been-- at least not for as long as I can remember.
I think the thing I need to hold onto as I navigate through all of this is that I am strong enough for these challenges. And yes, that means I will have to find some other way to handle my stress that doesn't involve food. I have no idea what that is going to be. I don't even know where to begin. Before food (or while I was using food for many years) I was also a self-injurer. That was my other coping mechanism. I've been self-injury free for almost 4 years now... and probably the reason I got to the size I am is that I filled the coping void that not self-injuring left... with food. So now I have to re-evaluate again. I have to come up with some healthy ways to deal with my stress, with my emotions, with my insecurities. Part of the problem with that though, is that my life has been anything but normal. I have no clue what normal people do to cope with stuff. Drink? Although I do have a lovely bottle of Patron Silver in the fridge, I'd like not to make that a habit. Besides, despite enjoying tequila more than your average person-- I'd rather make it a treat than a routine, and it's a bit impractical in the middle of the day during a crisis regardless.
Basically now, it's time to evaluate and gather some knowledge and resources. I need to figure out how to deal. Because this is not going to be a short process. From start to finish I have at least 200 pounds to lose. That doesn't happen overnight-- especially since I'm hoping to do this without surgery. There is a lot of learning to do in this process, and while a lot of it I can do on my own or with the help of a physician, the emotional stuff is going to require a different approach.
Therapy? Maybe. But aside from a brief foray into group therapy in my late teens, I've never really had much success with therapy. Of course I'm a very different person now... so maybe therapy would be a different experience now too.
For now, I'm going to focus on my successes, both personal and professional. I'm going to focus on my achievements. I'm going to focus on how far I've come in the last couple of years, in the last few months. I'm going to focus on the person I've finally started to understand and appreciate...
Me.
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