Week Five Ends, Week Six Begins!

   Well, another week winds to a close tonight, and I'm pleased to say it's been a raging success once more!


   As of this morning I am down a total of 14.2 lbs since May 17th.  I'm hoping maybe tomorrow I'll lose that last 1.2 to hit that magic 15.  I don't know why it's magic.  It's not really I suppose, but for as long as I've been the way I've been.. it seems like magic to me :)


   I don't really have much to say of any depth or philosophical value... my weight loss progresses, but it was a stressful work week and I'm exhausted.


   My cycle pedal machine arrived this week!  Unfortunately the chair I use at my desk here is too low for me to use it!  Another thing on my list of stuff-to-buy this weekend.  I think one without wheels would work best.  Once I've had a chance to actually USE it, I'll post a full fledged review of the thing here for those that are interested.


   And now... let's revue my stats:


   First there's the calorie counter for the last week.  I told Kris tonight I'd been under 2,000 calories every day this week, but then reviewed and realized that wasn't true!  I've been pretty close, except for last Friday (and tonight when I rewarded the end of a hard work week with ice cream), but I have been under my daily maximum calories each day.

   Looking at it, I can see that I have been under 2,500 calories each day this week (although only by a hair today) which is kind of exciting.  Of course classical health class training tells us that a standard diet is between 2,000 and 2,500 calories.  I never thought I'd be in that range.  Ever.  The fact there is actually a day (2 actually) where I was under 2,000 is amazing to me!  As I lose more weight of course that maximum recommended caloric intake goes down further and further, and I'm not sure it reflects super-accurately on that graph.  But each morning I put in my new weight, I note the adjustment, and I plan my meals accordingly.


  Here is a fairly typical day for me right now, food-wise:

   And because of all of that, because of weeks of that now... My weight chart looks like this:

  I keep waiting for the  plateau.  And I know it's early... and the plateau is probably just around the next corner.  There have been two small spikes, but each time the number once again went down.  I suppose the more amazing thing is that each time I saw those spikes... I didn't freak out.  I didn't relapse.  I didn't immediately reach for the ice cream containers, and fast food.  I didn't go back to sneaking extra burgers, or extra fatty meals in between my regular meals.  I've stayed true.  And honest.  And I didn't panic.  I know spikes are going to happen-- so are plateaus.  It's inevitable at some point.


   The trick is not to go back to old habits when that happens.  The truth is, I'm hoping that by the time I hit plateau-ville, my health insurance will have kicked in and it will be time to get my doctor involved and (at the very least) get my thyroid tested. I remain convinced that it's my thyroid causing my "fullness" issues.  For about a week, maybe too it seemed as though I'd finally normalized.  I'd eat, feel full, stop eating.. it was wonderful.... but then this week-- back to feeling either starved or stuffed again. It's almost as if I conquer it and then my body says... "oooooooohhhhh reaaaally?  See how you like this bitch?"  and goes right back to the beginning.  I told Kris this week I think it's that fat girl trying to fight her way back to the forefront.


   I don't think she's quite realized she's not going to win this time.  I have tools, I have power, and I'm stronger than she is.  Even though this has been easy so far, I go into each day expecting it to be difficult, expecting each choice to be hard.  But it's not.  It might be still, as I get further into it all, but at 6 weeks, it's just as easy as day 1.  Possibly getting easier-- every healthy choice I make leads to another healthy choice.  Each conscious decision leads to another.  I've been thinking all along that it would be really easy to go back though.  To go back to not caring, to eating whatever, whenever, wherever.  But I realized  yesterday that's not true.


   Case in point, 2 of the delicious meals I had this week for dinner at home:

   I have fallen in love with Green Giant's vegetable steamers.  I usually steam one package in the microwave, then heat up 1 serving of Target's store brand frozen grilled chicken strips, stir them together and splash on a smidge of Nature's seasons and/or some shredded parmesan cheese.  The meals are fresh, delicious and seriously low in ... well.. everything!  The green bean/red potato mix is particularly delicious with chicken.


   Last night when it was time to decide on dinner I had a craving for Chili's.  I had the calories left to go and enjoy whatever I wanted for the day, but I suggested Panda Express instead.  It involved about half the intake in almost all categories as chili's would have, and I realized once and for all that I really have made  a permanent change to my life.  I don't know if I'll track every morsel that goes in my life every day for the rest of  my life.  But I'm 99% sure that once I lose all of this weight-- I will keep it off.  I've made a change that is a permanent alteration in my relationship to food.  And the truth is I can still eat all the things that I want to.  I could easily have gone to Chili's and probably not have overdone it as far as my food tally goes.  I'd already made the decision not to smother myself with food anymore and it's working.


  All of that in spite of a return to being staved and stuffed.  Guess it's time for my body to realize I'm going to win.  Because let's be honest... I am in control of this.  Completely.


  I'm still frustrated by my clothes.  I attempted a hot water shrink of my blue jeans last wash.  It didn't help much.  One wear and they're back to falling off.  And yet I'm still not down enough to fit into the smaller size I bought from Old Navy.  In another week, I should be able to wear the slacks though (assuming my weight loss continues at a similar rate), and that's something.    Jeans or no jeans, I have to say I feel like I'm losing weight, I feel lighter, and I think if this hadn't been such a stressful week at work, I'd probably have more energy too.  Really, aside from the disappointing return to my fullness issues, everything feels different.  Things are starting to feel right.


At least they're headed in the right direction!

Midweek Monologue #2

Hey guess what!


As of this morning, I have officially lost exactly 10 full pounds.


Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!








Ok, so that really is all I had to say.  I know, it's not deep, and it's lacking in my usual philosophical wrapping paper... but it was too exciting to not post.




Tomorrow my cycle-pedal work-out machine should arrive which will allow me to work out finally!


I do have a rant about jeans but it's not terribly interesting.  Let's just suffice to say that I attempted jean shopping this weekend and it did not end well.


Not because I couldn't find my size-- there were plenty of 28s... even some 28petites (yes.. short AND fat... I know it's a curse).


The problem was that the styles that were available were:  1. Boyfriend style, and 2. Skinny jeans.


We've been down this rant before.  Let's just leave it at the fact that a strongly worded email is going out to Avenue to let them know exactly what I think of their new "style" options.  :grrrrr:


In the meantime I continue losing weight and if I keep it up at this rate, I'll soon fit into those Old Navy jeans I didn't bother to send back :)




--An addendum:


My angry letter to Avenue Company regarding their current denim "offerings"


To Whom it May Concern, In the last few years, I've seen a disturbing trend in the plus-size women's market... at Lane Bryant, Catherine's, Fashion Bug... they've begun embracing this "right-fit" sizing which tries to convince me that I'm not a size 28, I'm a size 7, or 8 or whatever their delusion of choice is. In that time I've come to really love being able to walk into Avenue and find a pair of jeans that are just my size-- and labeled that way too! It is my first stop for jeans, and with each pair of jeans, there generally comes the purchase of at least 1 or 2 tops, the occasional pair of shoes, undies, and what have you.  


However, in the last 6-8 months I've spent no money at your store. None. The thing that I need, is jeans. Boot-cut or flare leg jeans. For some reason though, the only "styles" you choose to offer us? The "boyfriend" jean, and the "skinny" jean.  


Now, my first problem with this may be partly due to my being gay but #1- I don't want a boyfriend so why the hell do I want a "boyfriend" jean? If I wanted a jean styled for men.. I'd buy them in a men's store.  


The second problem is with the "skinny" jean. Here's the deal-- I'm fat. I know I'm fat. my friends and family know I'm fat, my coworkers, acquaintances.. hell, strangers can tell I'm fat. I have large hips and a robust bottom. Why on earth do I want to ACCENTUATE that with tiny, tight-legged jeans that make my calves look like chicken bones?  


I went into Avenue last night expecting to spend anywhere from $50 - $100 dollars. Just like I did a few months ago, and a few months before that. I did not spend a dime. I've been in the store prepared to spend $ each time and walked out without a single purchase no fewer than 5 times. No tops. No shoes... and no jeans.  


And now, honestly-- I'm angry. I love Avenue, have really enjoyed the fact that as a general principle I can find cute, style-forward clothes at a really reasonable price. But the fact that you have stopped carrying boot-leg or flared-leg jeans completely is ridiculous, and in my opinion as tantamount to weightism as it is for standard designers to refuse to design and create merchandise for heavier consumers. Worse, actually since the whole purpose of your store is to serve and provide products for women from size 14-32.  


Remember who your store's target demographic is. It's not the size zero, hipless, buttless barbie doll who can shop in any store in the world and find piles of clothing. You serve an under-marketed demographic. Women who can and will pay dearly for clothing that fits and flatters them. At least you used to.  


Until you bring back some reasonable denim stylings... you've lost my business completely. And I'll be sure to take a few other customers with me. I'll find somewhere else to spend my money. It won't be easy, like I said you were my last refuge. But I will. We will.  




Sincerely,  
Sarah Cate Philipson 
A once Loyal Customer waiting for change.

Week Four Ends, Week Five Begins

   Ok, so I've been thinking about it.  I've gone on and on about how easy this has been, how simple the changes are... and something Libby said today made me think.

   6 months ago, a year ago.. hell TWO months ago I would have read this and thought yeah-- whatever, great for YOU.  I've said before that my motivations for these changes are not what you would expect.  I spent years knowing how bad my weight was for my health... I've spent years fearing diabetes, heart problems, cholesterol issues, high blood pressure.  


   I have known intimately the risk of being overweight.  My adopted mom died in part because she was too heavy still for them to perform a transplant.  It wasn't the primary cause-- but it was part of a larger problem.  I have a 34 year old friend who recently had a heart attack.  He is recovering, but he too has struggled with severe obesity and despite having lost more than 200 lbs... the damage to his heart was so bad from all those years of being overweight that they reported a 95, 98, and 100% blockage in various arteries.  At age 34.


   I have seen up close the damage that excess weight can do to a body at the level of weight that I carry.   That was not enough to get me off my ass to make changes.


   Intellectually I have always known I needed to make changes, that I needed to get myself in gear and change the way I live, and especially-- the way I eat.  But it is not something that happens just because you know it should.
  
  I was talking to a coworker today about my turnaround and admitted I've said for years, known and wanted for years, to change my life.  But that I could not fathom actually doing it until I started this process in April.  Why? 


   I don't know.  I guess for me it really was about making the connection between my body and my spirit, and about realizing what a disconnect suddenly existed there.


  Libby chided me (gently) that other overweight folks reading this blog will do as I would have done and wave their hands at me, sigh in frustration and be unable to relate.  I can't change that.  I have read blogs and books and treatises.  I have heard from doctors and friends and loved ones.  I have known intimately for years that I need to make these changes.  But the thing is, as I told my coworker-- no one can actually make it happen but me.  No one can motivate you to make the ultimate decision to alter your life but YOU.


   One of my all-time favorite quotes is, "I am the master of my fate: 
I am the captain of my soul."  William Ernest Henley.    And I believe that now more than ever.  I've blogged before about my life, and how I grew up feeling like a fat girl.  But you should probably know that along with that came a crippling social anxiety disorder, severe depression, even self-injury.  I was a pretty messed up chicky for a lot of years.  And people used to say, "it'll get better you'll see..." or "you can get better, it won't always be this way," or "someday this will all just be something to learn from."   And in that moment, in the  midst of it all, the only thing I could think in response was, "bull.   shit."

   But one day, I realized that I could be stronger than my anxiety.  I realized how much I was missing every. single. day. by letting my life be ruled by my panic and terror and discomfort.  And I decided I was tired of living that way.  Now-- keep in mind too that I was on anti-anxiety meds daily for a loooong time before I felt strong enough to take control without them, and I consider myself very lucky and very blessed that I am able to function, and function well without them.  And I firmly believe if you need medication to live a happy healthy life that you should take it!  I am certainly not anti-meds.  But for me, I am proud and happy to be able to say that even without medication I control my anxiety disorder... it doesn't control me.

   And now, by the grace of God-- or whatever you happen to believe in-- I control my food-life as well.  And the taking of those reigns was similar to taking control of my anxiety.  But the bottom line is nobody convinced me to do it.  No one talked me into it.  No one was able to motivate me to take the reigns.  I had to make that decision myself.  I had find the place inside myself that said, "enough is enough."  And once I found that the rest became easy.


   I still struggle... both with my food and my anxiety to be honest.  And a lot of the issues with my anxiety are still tied up in my weight.  I am acutely aware of the limitations of my body and it makes me self-conscious.  But when you boil it all down-- this change has been and continues to be........ easy.


And now, I even have a routine in place.


Weekdays:


-Wake up 8:00am.  
-Pit Stop
-Weight taking and recording
-Shower, dress, etc.
-8:30ish on the road to work: Eat Fiber One Oats and Chocolate Bar for breakfast
-9am-12:30 work (1 can of diet coke)
-12:30-1:30 Lunch of my choosing (usually Subway these days although not always)
-1:30-6pm work (occasionally a nature valley granola bar snack, or Special K bar)
-6:30-8:00pm home/dinner of whatever. (Dinner generally depends on how many calories I have left after tracking my food for the day)
-9:00pm relaxing at home, 4 fiber advance gummies, 2 VitaFusion Multi Vite gummies (yes, I take gummy supplements instead of pills.  I hate pills.  Sorry!)


   I've been trying to get better about going to bed earlier, but that doesn't always happen (I'm sort of an insomniac by nature).  And throughout my day I am constantly drinking water as well.  I've actually stopped tracking my water intake because I'm well above the minimum 64oz. requirement at this point.


   And after doing all of that as my regular routine for less than a week... here is the result based on daily weight-taking:

   BTW... Because I know that is teeny tiny... You're looking at a net loss of 7 whole lbs.  SEVEN.  From May 17th to the morning of May 21st, 7 pounds.  Amazing what adding your full daily recommended dose of fiber can do eh?   


   Ok, it's more than just the fiber, we all know that.  And I realize that seems like a lot to drop in such a short period of time but there are a few of things to consider here.  


1. I have been embracing these changes for a full month now, but only weighed myself on the 17th.


2. In addition to adding fiber, reducing salt, sugar, carbs, and calories, I've also being drinking tons of water.


3.  I've greatly reduced the quantities of food that I eat in general-- across the board.


4. I started out at 367 pounds.  That's disturbingly heavy.  The heavier you are, the faster the weight comes off at first.  


5.  The first time I weighed myself it was at night... all my subsequent weights have been taken first thing in the morning.  So really we're probably talking about a general loss of about 3 or 4 pounds, not a full 7. 


   But here's more... this is the chart tracking my caloric intake day by day for the last week:

   Each day after I weigh myself, I enter that weight at the daily plate, and it adjusts my calorie goal.  I don't know that it's specifically reflected in this little chart, but if you look closely you'll see that regardless.. I have been at or under (in some cases quite a bit under) that red target line.  In fact, on the 16th and 19th I was actually under 2000 calories total.  


   My eventual target is probably going to be around the 2,000 calorie mark which is I believe fairly standard.  And really all I've done this week is prove to myself how attainable that is.  


  I am surprised constantly, at how easy the choice part of all of this has been for me.  This evening Kris and I were discussing dinner options and she mentioned that our favorite cashier was back at Corner Bakery.  He has been at a downtown location for quite some time and we had sort of stopped visiting our favorite because he was no longer there.  Now that he's back my first reaction was... let's go to Corner Bakery for dinner!!  But then as I drove home thinking about it I realized... I don't really like their salads.  And what I would really want to eat-- would be my favorite Pesto Cavatappi.  Since I did NOT have subway for lunch, that calorie level was not really left in my plan for the day.  So I suggested we go next week sometime when I'd had a more sensible lunch and could plan in the meal more carefully.


   Once she got done being shocked, Kris agreed and supported my decision.  Do I regret not having Pesto Cavatappi for dinner tonight?   mmmmmm Yes.  I love their pasta.   But do I regret that more than I would have regretted coming home to enter the information and seeing that green bar shoot over my red line?  No.  Absolutely not.  Because to me, my health and my goals are more important than the immediate gratification that comes with eating whatever I want whenever I want it.  And for those few of you that know me well-- you know what a major change that is.


   Although, those of you that know me that well are probably still stuck at the note in my daily routine where I mention my one can of diet coke.  I am a self-professed caffeine junkie.  I do enjoy coffee drinks (the fatty tasty ones of course), but I live on diet coke.  And it is more than just the soda itself, my regular consumption of large amounts of caffeine also helps keep my migraines at bay-- which is something I'm going to have to start evaluating in the next week or so once the caffeine withdrawal starts to hit me and those migraines start creeping up.  But for now, I am adjusting to the lack of caffeine and finding that with my diet suddenly infused with fruit and veg and fiber... I actually am not missing the energy-boost that much.  In fact, if I could get my sleep schedule in a little tighter control, my energy issues would probably take care of themselves.


  Overall this week has been possibly the most positive of all.  I took a lot of risks this week emotionally.  Measuring-- and more importantly posting my weight so publicly is something that I have sworn for years would never ever happen.  But I have not lost a minute of sleep over it.  I have not wasted a moment worrying about what anyone will think.  Because as I said to Libby during our talk-- at this point I know what that number is.  It's a number.  It's not ME.  I am not 367.4 pounds.  I am simply carrying 367.4 pounds.  It doesn't define me... it just explains where I've begun.  


   My goals are not about my weight per se.  There is no magic weight goal in my mind.  There isn't even a magic pant-size goal.  I think I'll know when I've gotten to where I want to be.  When I can be as active as I want to be.  When I can participate in the parts of life that I miss out on now because of my size or fitness level.  When I can walk into a room and feel comfortable in my skin because it fits me...then it will be enough.  It may be that the  number that coincides with that is 130 pounds... it could even be 160 pounds.  I've said all along this is not about what I weigh... this is about how I feel.  


  That is my motivation.  And if you're reading this in a body that frustrates you, carrying extra weight, carrying all of your own baggage, carrying your past metaphorically or physically... if you're reading this thinking, "well that's all very well for you bitch..."  then I'm praying for you the way I used to pray for me.  Praying that someday you will see that we are more than where we began.  Praying that someday you will see that inside you is a beautiful person waiting to be recognized by no one other than you.  I'm praying that your revolution arrives just when you need it.  That it takes you by the hand and makes the pathway to your true self as simple as mine has become. 




You control your own fate.  You are the master of your own destiny. 

A Midweek Monologue...

Ok, so it's not technically mid-week since it's only Monday... but my weight loss tracking weeks go from Saturdays to Fridays so it's mid-weekish to me.  But something sort of important has happened and I need to talk about it.


Among the things I purchased this week...


A scale.


The first scale I've owned in more than 5 years...


The first scale I've stepped on in almost 2 years...


And I thought it would be a lot harder than it was.  I've been putting off my "before" weigh-in because I've been terrified of that number.  When I signed up for The Daily Plate... I guestimated.  And although I'm not sure if I'm pleased or horrified-- I was only off by 2 pounds.


And I also know that as recently as Friday I said I wouldn't post that number.  But the truth is.. how can I be held accountable for this if I don't allow other people to know where I've begun?


It's an extension of the reasoning that led to my buying the scale in the first place.  How can I know how far I've gone if I don't know where I started?


So much of this journey is because I feel like this body does not belong to me.  That it doesn't reflect who I am on the inside.  So that number on the scale... isn't really MY weight.  It's the weight of the fat girl I've already excised from my heart and mind.  So that number actually has very little to do with ME.


It's just the place where I begin.






































367.2 lbs.




This is where I begin.




But don't blink, I won't be here for long.

Week Three Ends, Week Four Begins

Well, I've survived the 3rd week of my new Life!  It hasn't been easy-- mostly because for mother's day we're big fans of big texas steaks on the BBQ (even if it is raining!!)


   So here's the rundown... tracking my food is going well at daily plate but I can tell even at this early stage I'm going to need more help and guidance than just a food-tracker.  I'm having a hard time planning and arranging meals to meet but  not exceed my needs in various nutritional arenas.


   Now... although I've blanked out the actual # info (look, I'm honest but I'm not ready for that much sharing yet...) you can see what I mean... I'm doing (mostly) well on my caloric intake...

   Ok, there are admittedly, 2 blips over the line, the biggest being on Mother's Day (hey, I'm a Texan ... steak is like-- a sacred meal ok, maybe not but my fat girl got a little loud on that one).  

   Anyway, I'm not as concerned about the caloric intake since, as a general rule, I'm actually doing pretty well meeting and staying under the target for the amount of weight I want to lose.  Where I'm really struggling is getting the balances right on other intakes...

   As I write this, it is late thursday night, and you can see that I have already had 100% (or more) of the recommended fat, cholesterol, sodium, and protein.

  But, to my surprise, I'm only at 41% of my weekly carbs (I've been trying to watch those especially) and I need to boost my fiber a LOT.  The protein I think is primarily because of the steak on Sunday night, and the cholesterol is probably because of the hard-boiled eggs I've snacked on this week.  

   So I am re-organizing my shopping plan for this week (at least a little bit).  I want to look into a fiber supplement to add to my daily routine, and apparently I don't need to be quite as stingy with the carbs as I originally thought.  Cholesterol, Fat, and Sodium particularly will be on watch (I don't think the protein will be an issue next week as I don't have any plans for giant steak in my schedule this week).

Here is my shopping list for the week:

Kiwi,

Bananas,

Fiber Supplement,

a new chillable lunch container

A paring knife (for the kiwi mostly)

 I've been doing some research about good foods.  Things that taste good and are good for you... Imagine my delight to read the following about Kiwi fruit (my undeniably favorite snack fruit!)

"Kiwifruit

This tiny, nutrient-dense fruit packs an amazing amount of vitamin C (double the amount found in oranges), has more fiber than apples, and beats bananas as a high-potassium food. The unique blend of phytonutrients, vitamins, and minerals found in kiwifruit helps protect against heart disease, stroke, cancer, and respiratory disease. Kiwifruit's natural blood-thinning properties work without the side effects of aspirin and support vascular health by reducing the formation of spontaneous blood clots, lowering LDL cholesterol, and reducing blood pressure. Multiple studies have shown that kiwifruit not only reduce oxidative stress and damage to DNA but also prompt damaged cells to repair themselves.

Kiwifruit are often prescribed as part of a dietary regimen to battle cancer and heart disease, and in Chinese medicine they are used to accelerate the healing of wounds and sores.

How much: Aim to eat one to two kiwifruit a day while they're in season, for the best taste and nutrition. California-grown kiwifruit are in season from October through May, and New Zealand kiwifruit are available between April and November.

Tips: Kiwifruit contain enzymes that activate once you cut the fruit, causing the flesh to tenderize. So if you're making a fruit salad, cut the kiwifruit last.

The riper the kiwifruit, the greater the antioxidant power, so let them ripen before you dig in."

  Now, that last part makes me a bit sad, as I like my kiwi just a smidge unripe (I love the tartness!), but I'll learn to eat them a little bit softer I suppose.  Broccoli apparently is a bit amazing as well, which is fine as I enjoy it in just about everything really.  

--Friday--

Of course there's more to this little revolution that just what went in my body.  So here's some of the philosophical things I've come up against this week.

   I was talking to Libby again this week, and we were once again discussing the disconnect between mind and body, about feeling fat vs. being fat etc.  Another friend of hers who was heavier like I am said she had never felt fat, had not really felt the size she knew logically that she was.  She found herself misjudging the space that her body required.  She would run into things, bump into people-- because her mind perceived her body to be smaller than it actually was.

  It may sound weird for someone who is used to being in their body, who has felt in tune with it for years-- if not their whole life... but it made complete sense to me.  If for no other reason than I've recently become so aware of it myself.  I've said time and time again that (until recently) I have always felt fat.  And for years now my body has matched that.  I've been acutely aware of how much space my body takes up.  I have always tried to leave extra space between myself and others, have resisted spaces I felt were too small for me even if they may have actually been big enough.

   But right around the time I had my great revelation about myself, I started to run into things.  A lot.  Now, I'm definitely a klutz... anyone that knows me could tell you that.  I trip on my own feet, on carpet, on tile, on pretty much nothing at all.  And I do tend to run into things on my left side as I'm blind in that eye.

  But right now both arms sport some unusual bruises, and I've a few more bumps on my thighs and hips, and even my stomach is sporting some new scrapes and bumps.  And it wasn't until Libby and I were talking about her friend not recognizing the space her body occupied that I realized-- the way I perceive myself has changed.  Completely.  I no longer have a connection to how large I am.  I am frustrated repeatedly by the space my stomach alone occupies, and if I run into the cubicle wall around John's desk on my way back from the copier one more time I might scream!

   These are not problems the "fat" me had.  If I ran into something, it's because it was on the left and I didn't see it... or because I was forced to be in a space that really was too close and small for my body.  ...  Or because I was having a klutzy moment.

  But in general... "fat" me was pretty good about getting around, in and out, being in her own space and knowing the boundaries of that.  The me that is fat but doesn't feel fat-- not so much.  I'll admit, that's where the pace of this whole revolution gets a little frustrating.  I know that what I'm doing will take time-- quite a bit probably.  My expectations for my actual weight loss I think are pretty reasonable.  I also know that if I lose this weight slowly and steadily instead of all at once with many plateaus, I'm more likely to keep it off because I'll have to change my lifestyle and habits to make it happen.  But because it will take time it means most likely, I'm going to have to get used to running into things.  

   On the plus side... I've got concrete proof that this whole change has really taken hold.  A brief stop for dinner supplies last night brought home an ice cream treat.  I decided it had been a long week and I wanted some ice cream.  I also bought an apple tray.  2 kinds of apple slices and a container of low-fat caramel sauce.  When dinner was done and I wanted a treat... I chose the apples.  Not out of a desire to have a healthier dessert... but because they sounded tastier than the ice cream.  

   Once again, a week of pluses and minuses.  But that's to be expected.  This isn't an overnight success story, nor something I've started that I'll give up at the first hint of difficulty.  This is just the beginning of a long haul that will end with me once again feeling like me... and looking like me too!