Now, it's not a monumental amount, especially when you consider that I have about 200 more to lose. But for someone who's biggest loss in the last 5 years was probably all of about 10 pounds, and purely accidental... 21.6 in 8 weeks is nothing to sneeze at!
From day one it's been very up and down. I'll lose a few pounds at a time.. then gain back 1, lose 3, gain 4. Up and down and up and down... which does get a little frustrating... but I think that's more a hazard of the fact that I weigh myself daily, rather than say-- once a week.
Of course, as my weight goes down-- my maximum calorie goal goes down as well. I try very hard to stick with whatever the lowest level I've hit is and stick with that. So that even if my weight goes back up 2 pounds, I'll still keep the calorie goal from the lower weight. That way I can ensure I'm setting myself up to continue losing... and not to just-- stall in place.
I'm keeping my routines, and continuing to pare down my splurges.
The honest truth is... this week has a been more difficult than most. Not necessarily on the weight-loss or food front... but as a general principle. At work this is our busy season-- the time of year when people relocate like crazy.. .needing to ship their cars and execute relocations while school is out for the summer. Thanks to the economic upturn, business this year is booming-- but it makes for an extremely busy and extremely stressful workplace! Lunches are grabbed at best while working, and by the time I get home at night even if I AM hungry, I certainly don't have the energy to go out for food much less cook anything myself.
One change I am glad of (although I'm particularly surprised by it) is my body's reaction to stress-- at least where hunger is concerned. It used to be stress made me hungry.. starved. I medicated my stress with food, full of fat and sugar and salt, I used it to numb my stresses away. Now I find myself having to be reminded to eat. And truthfully even if I remember... I find that I'm really not hungry, at least not the way I used to be. I think the thing that struck me the most was Friday night.
I returned home from the last of 4 11.5 hour days at work and found that, as usual after work this week-- I really wan't terribly hungry. Until about 10pm. At which point I almost considered not eating at all since I needed to head to bed and be at work again at 8am on Saturday. And I sat at my desk-- angry and frustrated, for the first time since I began this process... angry and frustrated about food! In my old life, at 10pm I would have thrown on some sandals, and headed to whatever fast food joint was still open.
But as I sat on Friday night-- trying to decide what to do I fumed that I couldn't just run to McDonalds and get food. I was angry because I hadn't had time to shop and my quick-dinner options at home were so limited. But even as I was fuming about not having something quick to eat-- it never once occurred to me to go out and GET food the way I would have before. To my mind, all the fast food joints in the county might as well have been closed. It simply wasn't an option.
I ended up heating up some ramen noodles with a smidge of parmesan cheese. But once again I had occasion to be amazed at the change in my whole thought process about food. The old ways just aren't an option anymore.
I did concede to one old way today. I bought a pint of ice cream... and ate the whoooole thing. But I opted for something other than my favorite Ben and Jerry's. Choosing one with 1/2 the calories from a different brand. Even when I splurge I still can't quite let go fo the new ways...
And thank God for that. As frustrated as I was on Friday night, hungry and tired and unwilling to go back to how it used to be even for a moment-- even with all that... I don't miss the way it used to be-- not for an instant.
Sweetie, I cannot begin to express how very proud of you I am! We've been friends for two decades and I can say with absolute truth that I have never seen such a meaningful change in you...I believe it's because you are attacking this with an enormous amount of honesty, both to yourself and to your readers. I remember when you came out, I remember when you found your birth mother, I remember when you decided that college wasn't right for you--from my perspective, none of those things compare to what you're undertaking here and it has to do with the way you're addressing it--FEARLESSLY! Reading your blog every week is something I so look forward to because it is downright inspirational; seeing this change in your mindset manifest itself in reality helps me to believe that I can accompish the same thing with the same fearlessness and honesty that you have. I am thoroughly impressed by you, not because of the weight you've lost--although that's fantastic--but BECAUSE OF THE WOMAN YOU'VE DISCOVERED AND ARE ACTIVELY UNLEASHING IN THE PHYSICAL UNIVERSE!!! It's a magnificent thing to watch and I am here to support you in any way that I possibly can. You're beautiful and you're more "you" than I've ever seen you be. It's almost beside the point, but I've done the calculations and you've already lost about six percent of your total weight and are TEN PERCENT of the way to your stated goal. Hooray for you, Sarie! The manner in which you've taken this on demonstrates the sort of character that we should all strive to attain; watching you accomplish this reaffirms to me that it's possible for all of us. I love you, dear and wish you all the joy in the world in your pursuit!
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